Plucky Survivors See Europe Day 4: Berlin

Last night I did a little barhopping and what I learned is this: gay bars are the same everywhere.  Eventually they will play “Believe” by Cher.

The other thing I have found is that beer in bars is much cheaper here, at least at the places I went to.  Bottles go for around $5 in every place I visited.  Germans love their beer.

I started my day with a wander about the Charlottenburg neighborhood where my hotel is located.  I had a lunch spot picked out, but it didn’t open until noon, so I set out with no destination in mind at first.

Shopping is the main forte of the neighborhood with stores of all variety, a mall, and the absolutely massive KaWeDe department store, which I’d equate to Bergdorf Goodman in New York.  I took a stroll through part of it, saw the prices (they have a giant Prada section if that gives you any indication), and quickly found the exit.

I started back toward my intended lunch spot but stumbled upon a delightful farmer’s market.  There were more than two dozen stalls and trucks, with everything from fresh flowers to produce to meats and cheeses and bread (oh my!).  I hesitated, concerned about what street food might do to my touchy gastric system, then I said screw it and dove in.

The first stop was at a grill offering currywurst, bratwurst, and boulette (meatball) sandwiches.  I tried the latter on a crunch/soft bun with spicy ketchup.  I was very happy with my choice, but I was not done.

Next was a visit to one of several cheese stands where the very happy German guy offered me samples of just about everything without my asking.  He just kept slicing and handing them to me and who am I to say no to cheese?   In my refrigerator I have three drawers – the bottom one is for veggies, the middle one is for meat, and the top one is for cheese.  There may not always be something in the meat or veggie bins, but the cheese drawer is always full.

I bought a slice of a delightful, peppery chili Manchego, and he threw in a little Viennese sausage just because he liked the cut of my jib.

Cut of my jib.  Apparently, I’m a 17^th century sailor now.

Then I went to a stand selling Lebanese specialties, including more meatballs cooked with peppers.   I asked for a “kleine” (small) portion since I was already full, and the woman refused to charge me the full price even though I was more than willing to pay it.  It would have been a bargain at twice the going rate.

The final stop was at a bakery stand where I bought the most perfect apple strudel I have ever tasted.  I walked back toward the hotel, sat on a bench overlooking a square, and dove in.  I’m hoping they will be set up tomorrow and/or over the weekend so I can get more.

After a pitstop at the hotel, I caught the U-Bahn to the center of Berlin to a charming area known as the Nickolai Quarter, which surrounds St. Nicholas Church, the oldest surviving church in Berlin.  It’s very European, with narrow cobblestone streets and buildings that look like they’ve been there for centuries, even though most of it was built after the neighborhood was destroyed in WWII. 

My destination was Designpanoptikum, a funky little museum dedicated to weird industrial objects displayed as art.  I couldn’t tell you what 95% of it was, but the owner swears that everything had some sort of purpose and your job as you wander through is to use your imagination to try to figure out what it was built for.  There are no signs or explanations – you just appreciate the bizarre.  It’s the kind of place that Tim Burton would love, and I did, too.

From there I headed to the Déjà Vu Museum, which is packed with immersive, interactive exhibits that use light, sound, technology, and good old fashioned visual trickery to give your eyes a feast.  There are various rooms with infinity mirrors, 360-degree video displays, motion capture cameras that allow you interact with the art, and more.  I’ve been a to a few of these types of places and this was one of the best.

After that, I walked up the street to visit a place that has been at the top of my list of things to see since I started planning the trip: The David Hasselhoff Museum.

Now, I’m not really a fan of The Hoff.  I mean, he’s fine.  But for me, it’s this kind of offbeat, weird, “why does this exist?” kind of attraction that makes me ridiculously happy.

Finding it is not easy.  It’s at the Circus Hostel, which is different from the Circus Hotel where I went first.  The kindly desk clerk pointed me to their sister property across the street and then said, “Don’t expect much.”  I said, “I’m not” and then stopped myself from finishing the sentence with, “But the worse it is the more I’m going to enjoy it.”

The “Museum” is in the basement of the hostel, taking up the length of a roughly 15-foot hallway.  There is a mural, signed by David Hasselhoff; some “Knight Rider” and “Baywatch” ephemera, and a few photographs and that’s it.  I was highly entertained anyway.  Five stars.

I had a couple of additional stops on my agenda, but a combination of rain and my body complaining vociferously about moving so much when all it wants to do is sit on the couch and eat cheese conspired to force me to call an Uber and head back to the hotel for a break.  It seems like five miles of walking is about my limit.  After that and I feel every one of my nearly 60 years and then some.

A side note… I’ve taken a few Ubers here in Berlin and while traffic seems mostly orderly and restrained, Berlin Uber drivers apparently have zero F’s left to give.  Seriously terrifying.

I chilled, did a little work, and then headed back out for the first of many shows during this long trip, but first I needed to find something to eat.  When the Uber driver slowed down to about 10 miles per hour and shoved me out of the car near the theatre, I tucked and rolled and then started looking at restaurants. 

Directly across the street was another farmer’s market/street food event but they were closing up shop so I walked on.  This section of town near Alexanderplatz is absolutely jam packed with restaurants and people.  The sidewalks were wall-to-wall and a few eateries had lines out the door.

So, there I am, in Berlin, and I turn the corner and what do I see?  The Sixties Diner.  Yep, a retro-styled restaurant celebrating all things American complete with red leather booths, jukebox controls at every table, and a huge mural of Hollywood celebrities.  How could I not?

The menu was all in German, but I got the idea – burgers, pizza, tacos, and the like.  I got a bacon cheeseburger and it was quite good. The French fries on the other hand shall not be discussed.

The waiter, a young man from Turkey, asked me where I was from and we got to talking about the US.  He is very eager to visit.  I told him to wait a couple of years and taught him the word “sh**show.”

Then it was on to the Chameleon Theatre, which is located in the historic Hackesche Hofe, a series of buildings dating back to 1903 surrounding eight gorgeous courtyards with stores, restaurants, and entertainment.  The theatre itself is in a ballroom used for events for the residents and was, at one point, a rehearsal hall for the German ballet.  I coveted it.

I attended the opening night of a production entitled Circus Royale, a queer-forward variety show with drag queens, acrobats, a pole dancer, a silk artist, and a sword-swallower (insert your own jokes) among others.  The acts were all great but I have to give special props to the drag queen who lip-synced a Whitney Houston song while wearing a ball gown and four-foot stilts.  Forget the death drops, this is true drag talent.

Tomorrow is more sightseeing; my first meeting with PluckyMobile; a couple of hours to register the car with various toll, parking, and air quality agencies; and another show! 

And hopefully some more apple strudel.