Plucky Survivors See Europe Day 2: Berlin

And in fact, yes, when I woke up it was a brand-new continent.

 To be fair I didn’t get a lot of sleep.  The beds are lie-flat but my gastric system isn’t, so I had to do the incline thing and found it impossible to get comfortable.  Still, I think I got about three hours on and off as the flight wended its way across the Atlantic.

 As I left, I told the flight attendant to call me if they found anything else I have left behind, “like a kidney.”  She didn’t think it was funny.

 In a prologue post I talked about the new EES system, where people who don’t live in the EU must register their passport, fingerprints, and a photo upon their first entry.  There have been nightmarish scenes of people waiting upwards of six hours, but Berlin at 7:30 in the morning was a breeze.  Only about half the kiosks were operational I was lucky to be arriving at what seemed to be low tide (ours was the only plane deboarding) and one of the first off.  It took me about 5 minutes and that’s mostly because the passport cover I’m using mucked up the works.

 Then it was on to the human check-in, where a stern German asked me why I’m here, how long I’ll be here, and if the fact that I didn’t have a compute was some sort of plot against the motherland.  Okay, he didn’t ask the last part but he eyed me with a “you’re up to something” kind of glare, as if at any moment he was going to nod to the non-existent men wearing dark sunglasses standing behind me to intervene.

 “I lost my laptop.  It was an accident!!” I’d scream as they hauled me off, never to be seen again.

 With nothing to declare, customs involved me walking past more people looking at me suspiciously and that was that.  The whole thing took 20 minutes.

 I got an Uber to the hotel driven by Jamal who was not chatty.  That’s okay.  I wasn’t in the mood anyway.

 I’m staying at a hotel sort of on the boundary of the Charlottenburg and Nollendorfkiez neighborhoods.  The former is an upscale area full of shopping and restaurants and the latter is the gayborhood.

 Unsurprisingly, my 9am arrival meant that my room wasn’t ready, so I stored my luggage with the front desk, convinced that it would never be seen again, and headed out to run a couple of errands.

 The first involved stopping at the car rental agency to ask a billion questions about my pickup of PluckyMobile on Friday.  “What happens if I lose the car?” wasn’t one of them but I thought about it.

 The second involved finding a replacement for the lost computer.  To file a claim, I had to put in a shipping address in case it was found and the only thing that made sense was to ship it home.  I’ll be on the move too much so trying pinpoint where I’d be to have them ship it there would be problematic at best.  Plus, it would cost a fortune.  I checked.

 So, I walked a few blocks up to Saturn, a Best Buy like store and found a computer exactly like the one I lost and bought it for an amount of money that made my credit card sweat.

 Well, “exactly like” is not exactly correct.  It is a German computer and therefore not only is all of the on screen messaging in German, but the keyboard is different, most notably with the Y and Z keys swapping places.  Because they took pity on me and my explanations of what happened (mostly delivered with a translator app), they offered to do some magic and set it to English.  Nothing could be done about the keyboard physically, but I was able to install a virtual QWERTY keyboard and it types what I want it to type regardless of what the keys say.  As long as I don’t look at the keyboard, it’s fine, but I still apologize for tzpos. 

 That was a joke.  But it’s gonna happen.

 That process was going to take a couple of hours, so I walked around to blearily look at buildings and find something to eat.  Because Charlottenburg was part of West Germany, the architecture (at least in the part of it I was in) is mostly modern and blocky.  Not a lot of old German charm here, although the side streets are lined with little shops and cafes, one of which I stopped at impulsively.  The Back Café is a tiny little place with baked goods and pre-made sandwiches.  I selected a turkey, tomato, and cucumber something or other on flaky seeded bread and it was good but unsatisfactory.

The plane from Savannah to JFK left on time and got there early. I had several hours worth of layover so plenty of time to sneak outside and back through security. I got to visit the Delta One Lounge, a sprawling facility with a restaurant, buffet, spa, showers, and more. Had a great burger dripping with cheese and loaded with crispy bacon. Yum.

I went back and picked up the computer and took it back to the hotel, arriving just as housekeeping had declared my room ready.  It’s lovely, with a very small sitting/desk area, a generous bathroom with a tub and separate shower, and a comfy bed.  The whole thing is round.  Cool.

After spending a few hours setting up the new computer with all the programs and file access I needed, I was close to falling asleep but I knew I had to power through, so I did some sightseeing.

The U-Bahn subway system is a model of German efficiency.  Buy a pass on an app and that’s it – you just walk on the train and go where you’re going.  No tapping, no turnstiles, no nothing.  Apparently someone may walk through the train and ask to see tickets, but that didn’t happen on either of the rides I took.

The first stop of the day was the Disgusting Food Museum, a small but effective facility dedicated to all things gross that people eat.  Most of it is prop versions of said food – eyeball soup, entrails of different origin, and the like  There are a few things you can uncork and smell, like the altar of stinky cheeses.  My recommendation?  Don’t.

I did find it amusing that among the testicles and penises and brains, was a can of Spam, a box of Twinkies, and another of Pop Tarts, which pointed out that one man’s yuck is another man’s yum, so who are we to judge?

They did have a small tasting area where you could sample some of the things on exhibit.  I passed.  

Then it was on to Checkpoint Charlie for an obligatory tourist photo taken by a very nice older Japanese couple.  The notorious gate between East and West Berlin was the only one that allowed foreign tourists, dignitaries, and allied service members and was the location of Kennedy’s famous “Ich bin ein Berliner” speech. 

There’s a museum right next to it but it was packed and so I decided to go across the street to visit Die Mauer, an art installation/educational facility about the wall.

The first room features a series of photos and information panels about the beginning, middle, and end of the Berlin Wall, done in a uniquely personal way.  Instead of archival photos, they used (mostly) family photos from citizens, each accompanied by the story of how the wall’s presence affected them as represented by what they captured on film.  It turned would could have been a dry history lesson into a powerful testament of what people can endure and survive.

The second room features a nearly 360 degree panorama of the neighborhood divided by the wall.  It’s brought to life with lights and audio commentary, although it was all in German.  I got the point.

Dinner felt like the right next move and since it was my first full day in Germany, German food seemed like a necessity.  Some quick Googling led me to nearby Maximillian’s, which is definitely a tourist-focused place (the lederhosen wearing staff is the dead giveaway), but the food was fantastic.  Once you get through the absolutely epic beer list, schnitzels, sausages, and lots of asparagus related dishes are the staples but I went for the kalbsfleischpflanzerl.  No, I didn’t try to say it, I just pointed it and the waiter said, “oh, the meatballs?” Yes, thank you, smart ass.

Perfectly seasoned with gravy, buttered onions, and mashed potatoes, they hit the spot.

I went back to the hotel and started to write this recap of the day but physical and mental exhaustion set in and I fell asleep.  When I woke up around 10, I was greeted with the following email:

“Good news!  We found your lost item.”

It’s being shipped back to Savannah.

Tomorrow’s forecast is for rain in the morning, but I still plan on ticking a few things off the long list of things I want to do while I’m here, all of which will be done with less sleep deprivation, less looming dread that my identity was going to be stolen from my lost laptop, and less money spent fixing my bone headedness.

Does anyone want a very expensive German laptop when I get back?