Plucky Survivors See Europe Day 8: Berlin to Prague

I had set the alarm early so I could hit the road and still get to Prague with enough time to explore but woke up two hours before it went off.  When I have a big day ahead of me, my brain doesn’t shut off once it is activated and so going back to sleep was not an option.

Packing was 99% complete the night before but I did the last of it and double checked the room 15 times to make sure I had not left anything behind.  You know, like a computer.

Insert dramatic foreshadowing music here.

Collecting PluckyMobile was more complicated than I expected it to be.  I had parked in a nearby garage and knew exactly where the car was.  Only it wasn’t.  Some frantic searching revealed that there are two identical garages next to each other and I had gone in the wrong one.  I collected my bags from the hotel, installed the dash cam, and started driving.

I started on the highways to get out of Berlin and once in the countryside found I was on the infamous no-speed-limit section of the autobahn.  Cool, I thought.  Let’s see what PluckyMobile can do!

It was willing.  I wasn’t.  Driving on these stretches of road is like a scene from “Mad Max: Fury Road.”  I was going about 100 mph and getting passed like I was standing still.  It’s (mostly) two lanes in each direction but the right lane is taken up by slow trucks, buses, and cars plus the random military convoy I passed, so there is lots of weaving in and out of traffic that is even scarier.

To make matters worse, there are speed restricted zones that pop up out of nowhere.  You know those signs on US highways that say something like “50mph Speed Zone Ahead”?  They don’t exist in Germany.  You’re flying along and then all of the sudden you have to drop down to 50 and there are cameras so I’m pretty sure I got at least a couple of speeding tickets along the way.  That’ll be a nice surprise later.

I decided to get off the highway and explore a less chaotic route, winding my way through the German countryside and encountering a few scenic villages.

At one, I decided to park the car and get a bite to eat at a pizza/doner shop.  The massive pile of meat and bread in the photo was about seven bucks.

Some more countryside and then back into the breach on the autobahn for the last few miles before reaching Czechia.

Somehow in there I had driven up a mountain and didn’t notice it.  Shortly after the border of Czechia there is a very long tunnel that goes downhill… a lot.  It was sort of the automotive equivalent of a water slide.  Then you go downhill some more and there are a couple of scenic looking towns that I drove by without stopping.  The speed limit is around 75mph so not as crazy, but traffic was still a challenge and I wanted to concentrate.

I stopped at a rest stop-type area that had a gas station and more, so my first official picture of Czechia is a McDonald’s.

I got into Prague around 1:30 and was immediately enchanted.  Berlin doesn’t have a truly old European charm – too much of it was destroyed during WWII – but Prague has it in abundance.

I found my accommodations at the Mosaic Design Hotel in the Old Town section.  It’s lovely, and while the room itself is on the small side it has a ginormous private terrace with views of the gorgeous neighborhood.

I immediately dumped my bags and went to explore, with a couple of specific destinations in mind.

Old Town Prague is everything you want Europe to be, although lousy with tourists.  I live in a tourist town and most of them are awful and they are here, too.  Inconsiderate, loud, and just generally annoying.  I do my best to try not to be one of them.

For instance, when I checked into the hotel, I asked the front desk clerk if I could practice the very limited Czech I had memorized – hello, goodbye, please, thank you, I’m sorry, I don’t speak Czech, do you speak English.  She was not only impressed but said no one had ever done that before.  I think I made a friend.

But I put the tourists out of my mind and wandering through the cobblestone streets and soon found myself struggling to not grin like an idiot.  So charming!

My first destination was the Museum of Bricks, as in Lego bricks.  This expansive facility is said to be the largest collection of Legos in the world.  Why in Prague?  There’s a factory just outside of town that started small and now employes more than 1,000 people.

The artistry of it is incredible with everything from castles to spaceships to replicas of famous landmarks and more.

I sent my friend Mark, who is a Lego devotee, a pic and he may be booking a trip to Prague soon.

From there I went to another funky little spot devoted to the things people have invented to, um, give themselves pleasure.  The Sex Machines Museum has multiple floors with pretty much everything you could imagine and a lot you never would have thought of.

The one that made me laugh out loud was a bag with a long hose attached to it.  The idea is that you put the bag over you butt and hang the hose out the window so that if you fart while having sex, the smell is piped outside.  People are creative when it comes to sex.

Of course I tried the Love Tester Chair.  Sit it in it and it’ll tell you how hot you are.  The people in front of me got “Tepid” and “Frozen.  I got “Burning,” naturally.

As I wandered a bit more, I happened upon a shop that had a big picture of strawberries drenched in chocolate in the window.  Detour!  Turns out they were not just a chocolate shop, but a chocolate museum as well!  Inside were fanciful creations entirely made from chocolate, some tasting stations, and a few other oddities.

And yes, on the way out I got a cup of strawberries with melted dark chocolate poured over the top, which I ate all of as I wandered some more.  The idiotic grin came back.

Some tourist spots followed… the Astronomical Clock, the Old Town Square, The Charles Bridge.

On the way back to the hotel, I stopped at a little gay bar called Café Flirt and had a cocktail and chatted with the bartender.  Despite being “burning” hot and the name of the place, he didn’t flirt with me.  But he was very jealous of my road trip and recommended a restaurant for dinner to try later.

Then it was back to the hotel to chill a bit before going to dinner.  I went to grab my computer from my backpack and… it wasn’t there.

Panic ensued.  I checked the backpack 16 times.  I looked in both suitcases.  Nothing.

I knew that I had put it in my backpack when I left Berlin.  I am 100% positive of it.  As mentioned, I scoured the room 15 times before I checked out to make sure I had left nothing behind.

But the computer was gone.

I called the hotel in Berlin.  They hadn’t found it.  I cursed for a while, both at the universe and myself, convinced that there is something seriously wrong with me.

My options were limited.  If they found the computer at the hotel in Berlin, I was going to drive back tomorrow and get it – a seven-hour round trip on the Mad Max highway.

Or I could buy ANOTHER new computer.  There’s an HP store not too from my hotel so I could have an American one, a German one, and a Czech one for my collection.

Since my original computer – the one I left at JFK – was supposed to be arriving at home in Savannah today, my third option was to have that shipped to Austria, where I’ll be in a few days.  I did a crap ton of research on my phone and while insanely expensive, it would still be cheaper than buying another computer, so I called my friend Maureen and begged for a favor.

While we were talking, she said, “You need to make sure to put the computer in the safe whenever you leave the room.”  I said, “I did.  In Berlin it was always in the safe when I wasn’t…”

Then it hit me.  A bolt from heaven.  I ran to the safe in the room in Prague and sure enough there it was.  I had taken it out of the backpack and put it away before I went out exploring but forgot I did it.

I’m an f-ing idiot.  At least I figured it out before I drove all the way back to Berlin or bought another computer, but I’m still an f-ing idiot.  From now on I’m going to chain the thing to my wrist.

I calmed down by sitting on the terrace and then headed out for dinner and a show.

The bartender’s recommendation was a Czech restaurant Kozlovna U Paukerta.  They had an big menu but all of the main courses seemed like they’d be too heavy (dumplings, goulash, schnitzel, etc.), so I went with a couple of the starters so I could nosh.  Plate one is garlic bread topped with spiced ground beef (sort of like a Sloppy Joe but better) and fried onions on two of them and beer cheese on the third.  Plate two is locally sourced sausages with mustard.  So much for getting something “not heavy.”  Still, it was divine and I regret nothing.

I walked it off a bit then went to go see a local specialty: black light theatre.  The idea is to use UV black lights and specially painted props to create illusions, an art form dating back to 1961 in Prague started by a guy named Jiri Snerc.  His troupe is still doing shows all these years later in the Black Light Theatre Snerc.

It’s basically wordless (mostly) sketch comedy where live actors interact with props in storylines that mostly involve them fighting with whatever is on stage.  A violinist tries to control his instrument and a rogue handkerchief, a woman hangs laundry and it comes to life when she’s not looking, and so on.  Visually it’s pretty stunning and very well done, but it got a little repetitive for my tastes and the 90-minute show as about 30 minutes too long in my opinion.  I’m glad I saw it so I can tick another form of theatre off my to-do list.

I’m sitting here on my terrace typing this on an absolutely gorgeous evening in Prague.  Unfortunately, the forecast is calling for rain all day tomorrow, so my explorations (and terrace time) will be limited, but Wednesday is supposed to be nice again (albeit on the chilly side) so I can make up for it then.

Loving Prague so far!