Plucky Survivors See Europe Day 10: Prague

I went out last night and snapped a couple of pictures of Prague Castle in the distance.  My intention was to go there today so I figured this would be a nice preview.

“I bet there are some amazing views of the city from way up there,” I thought to myself.

The dramatic foreshadowing music returns here.

It was chilly (upper 50s), blustery, and spitting rain on and off this morning, but I wasn’t going to let that get in the way of my last full day in Prague.

Knowing I had some distance to cover, I downloaded the Prague mass transit app and bought a day pass on the city’s extensive system.  There are subways, but most people use the street-level trams, which seem to go just about everywhere.  While maybe not German-level efficient, they are still very handy and as long as you pay attention to which one you are getting on and where you need to get off, they are the way to go on days like this.

On my way to the tram stop, I walked by a group of elementary school kids chattering away in Czech.  One piped up and yelled, “Ah hell, no!” Had I ever had kids, I would have wanted mine to be that kind of kid.

My first stop was at the Prague Municipal Library to see artist Matej Keren’s “Idiom.”  It’s a tower made of more than 8,000 books with mirrors at the top and bottom, so when you peer inside it looks infinite. 

I was going to go on my first day here but there was a line out the door and down the block.  Today’s line was much shorter, but it was still a line – something that would become a recurring theme for the day.

From there I walked a few blocks to the Charles Bridge and crossed the river to an area of Prague known as Lesser Town.  It’s basically the same as Old Town, except with hills.  Lots of souvenir shops, cafes, and the like line the streets, which are as jam packed with tourists as Old Town.

My destination was Prague Castle – you know, the thing sitting on top of that hill with what I supposed were great views.

The problem is that to get to it, I had to climb the hill.  There is a way to avoid that by taking a streetcar but there were throngs of people waiting to catch it and every tram that showed up was packed to capacity.

I waited about 20 minutes then said, “Screw it.” and started walking.

Walking uphill, in general, is not a lot of fun for me.  As demonstrated by my step counter app, I can do distance as long as it’s fairly flat, but I’m an old man with a bum knee and arthritis in my hips so hills are not exactly my forte.  Still I trudged on, feeling every one of my 59.75 years.

Then, I came around a corner and was greeted by steps.  A lot of them.  That I had to climb.  There was some profanity, but I was already invested at that point, so I kept going.

There were 207 steps going up.  Yes, I counted.

I was fine for until about step 70.  That’s when I started questioning my decision to do this.  Around step 108 I was questioning most of life decisions, including things I have worn, said, and done, all of which I could remember clearly as my life flashed before my eyes.  Around step 143 there may have been tears.  If so, this was caught on camera by a 19-year-old girl who was taking a video of her friend running up and down the stairs energetically.  I hated them both.  Around step 175, I collapsed and yelled, “I’m living here now!  Just go around me!”  When I got to step 207, I knelt down and kissed it, tears streaming down my face as crowds of onlookers cheered me.

I may have been delirious at that point.

BTW, 207 steps is roughly the equivalent of climbing to the top of a 12-story building.  The only comfort I had is that I wasn’t the slowest one and the looks of pure agony on other people’s faces – even the fit ones – made me feel better.

The Prague Castle is not a traditional castle, per se, at least not in the way you think when you hear the word.  No moat, no turrets, no drawbridge.  Instead, it’s basically a fortress with many different buildings inside including churches, palaces, gardens, and more.  You can tour most of them with one ticket and everyone in the entire world was there doing so.

There was a line to get into the complex itself, a line to get into every one of the buildings, a line inside the building as you follow a very prescribed route, and so on.  There were other lines for the bathrooms, tickets, and more but I didn’t stand in any of those.

The first building I did stand in line for was the St. Vitus Cathedral.  It’s the thing with the big spires that you can see on top of the hill from waaaaaaaaaay down there.  Construction on the building started in 1344 – not a typo – but because of church politics, money, disasters, and various wars, it took almost 600 years to complete, finally opening in 1929.

It’s a drop-dead gorgeous building, but it is also a functioning church with daily mass and services every Sunday.  So, in the middle of all this gorgeous architecture you have stacks of boring banquet chairs and the like scattered about.  Add in the absolutely massive amount of people trying to get through it and the overall vibe is less “holy” and more Disneyland.

The second building I went to is the Old Royal Palace, which dates back to the 12^th century.  It was certainly grand enough in terms of size, but the inside was fairly drab, so it didn’t capture my imagination.  The entire population of Europe was also there, and it made it difficult to get close to anything to find out any significant details.

I came out of the palace feeling disappointed in the touristy nature of it, then remembered that I live in a town that also caters to tourists, so who am I to judge?

That’s when I saw the Starbucks.  Yep, inside the walls of a fortress that has stood the test of time for centuries, they put a Starbucks.

I was kinda done after that, and peckish to boot.  All the eateries in or near the castle complex were either full and/or wildly overpriced, so I went back down the steps – I counted 208 this time; not sure which is accurate.  Let’s just say a lot of freaking steps.

About halfway down, I noticed a small Christmas ornaments store and stopped in.  They make all of it in Czechia and there is even a museum at the factory that has one of the biggest collections of ornaments in the world.  I really want to go there, but it’s in the opposite direction that I’ll be heading when I go to Austria tomorrow.

As I was heading for the tram stop, I noticed a sign for The Three Fiddles Irish Pub.  It said, “Stop!  Look at this hill!  You will need a pint of Guinness before you tackle that.” I’m a sucker for funny sandwich board signs, so I went inside.

They had lots of traditional stuff on the menu, and I was going to get the bangers and mash, but my stomach did the ordering, and I ended up with a loaf of cheesy garlic bread and a Caesar Salad with chicken.  “Seems like an odd choice for lunch at an Irish Pub in Prague,” I said to my server, but they said, “Irish people love cheesy garlic bread and Caesar salad.  Can’t get enough of it.”  It may not have been the most delicious meal I’ve ever eaten, but it hit the spot.

It had dropped off to a drizzle by the time I was ready to go to the dinner show I had booked for the evening, but on the way there I decided to stop off and pick up my official Prague souvenir.

I struggled with this.  Czechia and Prague are known for the hand-blown glass – you’ll see it in shops everywhere.  If I was flying home tomorrow, I probably would’ve done it but I’m 100% convinced that anything glass would not survive another 10 ½ weeks on the road, so I finally settled on a pocket watch.

The watch itself is made in China, but the design is from a local Prague company, evoking the astronomical clock.  So, maybe not a completely authentic Prague souvenir, but as close as I was able to get.

The entertainment was provided by La Scene Cabaret.  It included a four-course dinner starting with a marinated zucchini and melon salad followed by a sweet potato, ginger and carrot soup.  For the main course I chose a beef tenderloin in teriyaki sauce and desert was mascarpone with berries and raspberry mousse filled with chocolate.  It was all better than you’d expect to be, with special shout out to the salad.  I kind of want to find a way to make that.  The beef continued the trend of Europe not understanding the tender part of tenderloin, but the flavor was fantastic, so I just chewed through it.

The show itself featured a couple of lead singers, a dozen ensemble dancers, and some specialty acts.  They sang and danced their asses off and I felt a little bad for them because the room wasn’t very full and most of those that were there were stoic Slavic types.  There was one table of young Asian women in a bachelorette party, and they kept the energy up.

They performed everything from Michael Jackson to Michael Buble with stops at Broadway, Big Band, and Jazz along the way.  The singers were great, although it is a little funny to hear American music performed with a Czech accent.  “Ant awl dat jass!”  I was also supremely disappointed that when they did “Cell Block Tango,” they did a trimmed down version and cut Uh-uh!  Come on!  It’s right there!

The variety acts were things that I had not seen on a stage like this.  There was a fire act, which freaked me out a little because I was in a basement with one exit and no visible sprinklers; a woman twirling and occasionally shooting guns; the same woman doing a bullwhip routine; a ribbon dancer; a couple of burlesque acts; a knife thrower; and more.  That’s variety entertainment folks. 

It was pouring when I left the show, but the street cars helped me from getting too wet.  I made it back to the hotel to find out that I was unable to access any of my website.  A call to GoDaddy explained that Prague is a hotbed of hacking activity and they frequently blacklist IP addresses, so I’m kind of SOL on site updates tonight.  I’m hoping it’ll be resolved when I get to Austria.

I wish the weather had been better while I was here, so I could’ve done more, but what I did see and do made me a fan of Prague.  The people are unfailingly nice, the prices are beyond reasonable, and the charm of it is off the charts.  I hope I can come back someday and explore the parts of the city that aren’t as crowded with tourists, but in the meantime, I will have fond memories of this place.

Tomorrow is another driving day as I say goodbye to Prague and head to Vienna.  See you then!